Online not-working on Facebook

Anybody who is an anybody knows what Facebook is. They're using it too.

Why??

I mean everything was okay as long as I was finding friends and meeting strangers over Orkut. Orkut is organized, user friendly - by that I mean not only are its features intuitive and easy to figure out visually, but they are also more often than not, relevant.

And then Facebook came along.

I don't mean to do a comparative user analysis between the two, I am just here to crib about Facebook. But involuntarily I may be drawing parallels. That is not my intention, so its not my problem if you jump to conclusions.

Moving on. My primary problem with Facebook is that its chaotic, secondary problem being everyone I wish to keep in touch with, uses it more than they use Orkut.

Why???

The silly part is I have almost the same people added to my friends list in both places. Sooner or sooner the others on Orkut will discover "Facebook!!", and then I will log onto Facebook and stare at an exact identical twin of my Orkut address book. What purpose is that serving?? Address book backup number four? No thank you.

I know I know one is expected to make new friends over these online social forums, but I am just glad to already know so many wonderful people, that I have zero inclination to make the effort to stalk, hunt down strangers and cajole them into being my chuddy buddies. (Cajole? of DDLJ fame?)

And, what if they are psychotic serial killers?? Has anyone thought of that??

One other reason Facebook feels like a thorn in the flesh, is for its inherent chaotic nature that clashes with my inherent Monica Gellar nature.

There are crazy applications people add and send out to all on their friends list. I end up with vampires, zombies, potatoes, pokes, werewolves, teddy bears, eggs and what not on my page. I on the other hand have no clue whatsoever and my Vampires end up getting bitten or fed or whatever that is! Basically, I am losing at these Facebook games that I don't care about and don't know how to play!

Then there are likeness matches, tests and quizzes. I like the quizzes I must confess, but nothing else!

My home page is a clutter of text and images. There is just too much happening over there for my taste! The slew of applications and features is disconcerting, disorderly and disrequired. I know I know, I cooked it up!

Its like these million off the shelf ERP packages that are built with a million features! Whether relevant for your use or not is entirely your bane. Just put up with all the links, all the sections, the little buttons and the notifications, the messages, figure out what you really want out of all that and muster the courage to continue using it.

Its like having to roll your pants up and getting into slush to fetch a cricket ball.
Its like a buffet that's actually an orgy!

I just want to say "Hi" to my friends and keep in touch. Is that too much to ask for?? Do I have to put up with the horrors of online networking and advanced technology?

Okay okay ..I may be overreacting sometimes I think. I am making an effort to "understand" Facebook, and sometimes for crazy fun, I think its interesting. But its still not my favorite networking site. So, Ha! Ali khan?

One of my friends actually suggested she would design an e-learning package on "How to use Facebook". Noble thought. But when there is a perfectly usable, easy to understand and a zillion times less complicated alternative available, why would I want to sit through a tutorial to grudgingly become a Facebook groupie?

Why???

Because soon Orkut will be a dead site and I will have to move on?

Sigh! Okay. I give up. Bring me that tutorial Kanssan.